The early warning signs of unhealthy and abusive relationships can be difficult to spot.
Signs such as jealousy and possessiveness may seem positive initially and can be mistaken for love and romance. We can even find such behaviours flattering. However, it is important to be aware that excessive control and aggression are not signs of love, and over time, these can become unhealthy and abusive.
Sometimes teenagers can be especially vulnerable to abuse because relationships are, in many ways, a new development, and they haven’t yet gained experience in forming safe relationships. It can be hard to recognise the early warning signs of abuse and to understand that abusive behaviour is not acceptable in any relationship…everyone deserves a healthy relationship.
Are you concerned your relationship is unhealthy? Take our quiz.
Early warning signs of an unhealthy relationship
- You are discouraged from spending time with friends – the other person says things like, “let’s just keep it you and me tonight”, “you’d be better off without them”, “they don’t treat you as well as I do”, and “you’re too good for them”. Isolation from friends and family can be a very gradual process, which may have seemed positive in the early stages of the relationship.
- You feel your every move is controlled – when the other person wants to control what you wear, where you go, who you see, decisions you make. This can include checking your phone and your social media.
- You feel sexual pressure – when the other person puts pressure on you to do things you don’t feel comfortable with. They may say things like “ah go on, everyone’s does it” or “I’m gonna leave you if you don’t”.
- You feel you are not able to think for yourself – the other person tries to persuade you to change your views and beliefs – including your political views to be in line with theirs.
- You sometimes feel afraid or have a sense of dread – you feel like you are walking on eggshells. You have a sense that things are not quite right and some growing concerns about the other person’s anger.
- You feel you are never “winning” an argument – the other person always has to be right, and they are not open to your views and opinions.
- The other person doesn’t seem happy when things go well for you – for example, personal growth such as a job or college offer. They might get annoyed and persuade you to “keep things as they are”.
- Excessive jealousy – the other person gets jealous over small things and doesn’t like you spending time with other people.
Here’s what we have to SAY!
Remember – fear has no place in a healthy relationship. If a relationship is causing stress or shows signs of being toxic, look for ways to establish clear boundaries, talk to a supportive adult, or even consider ending the relationship if it is too unhealthy. There are steps that you can take to improve your relationships with other people and to keep yourself safe. Find out where to get help.
