Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which someone tries to make you doubt your own sanity or perception of reality.
Imagine you’re telling a story to a friend, and they start to contradict you, insisting that your memory is incorrect. They might say things like, “No, that’s not how it happened,” or “You’re making that up.” Eventually, you might start to doubt your memory, wondering if you’re misremembering the event. They do this by subtly undermining your confidence and making you question your own thoughts, memories, and experiences. This is a common example of gaslighting.
Gaslighting can be subtle and difficult to recognise, especially if it happens over time.
Warning signs of gaslighting
- Denying your experiences: they deny that something happened, even if you have clear evidence to the contrary. For example, they might say, “I never said that” or “You’re making that up.”
- Trivialising your feelings: they minimise your feelings and make you feel like you’re overreacting. For example, they might say, “You’re being too sensitive” or “It’s not a big deal.”
- Make you feel crazy: they will make you question your own sanity by planting seeds of doubt in your mind. For example, they might say, “You’re imagining things”.
- Shifting blame: They blame you for their mistakes or shortcomings. For example, they might say, “You made me do it,” or “You’re the one who’s always causing problems.”
If you’re experiencing gaslighting, it’s important to remember that you’re not crazy. It’s a tactic that the other person is using to control you. You deserve to be treated with respect and to have your feelings validated.
Here’s what we have to SAY!
- Trust your gut: if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Trust your instincts and don’t let someone else make you question your own judgment.
- Document your experiences: Keep a journal or record of incidents where you feel like you’re being gaslighted. This can help you to see the pattern of behaviour and to remember details that you might otherwise forget.
- Talk to someone you trust: Talk to a friend, family member, or trusted adult about what you’re going through. They can provide support and help you to see the situation more clearly.
- Set boundaries: Let the gaslighter know that their behaviour is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate it. You may need to distance yourself from them or end the relationship altogether.
- Remember, you are not alone. Gaslighting is a common tactic used by manipulators, and there are resources available to help you cope with it and to protect yourself.
