Anyone can experience abuse in relationships. Chances are you already know (or will know in the future) someone who is in an abusive relationship.
There may be times when you suspect someone you know is experiencing abuse. You may have overheard what their partner said to them, observed their behaviour in public, or witnessed incidents or injuries that caused suspicion. You may also have noticed that they are not acting like themselves or have distanced themselves from their friends and interests. It could also be a feeling that “something isn’t quite right”.
Warning signs your friend is in an unhealthy relationship
- They are seeing friends and family less and less.
- They don’t express opinions because they are scared or worried about how their partner will react.
- They feel bad about themselves.
- They don’t have an equal say in decisions.
- Their partner is constantly contacting them on their phone.
- They are made to feel bad or guilty because of their partner’s jealousy.
- They are made to feel uncomfortable when trying to work through a disagreement.
As a friend, you will probably want to know how you can best support this person. This can be difficult as we often believe other people’s relationships are private and not our business. It can be hard to know what to say or do, and keeping ourselves safe is also important. You may feel reluctant to raise your concerns, and you may also fear that if you get involved, it may exacerbate the situation. They might not be ready to talk but try to find quiet times when they can speak if they choose to.
It is important to remember your friend may be in danger. If you are concerned for the safety and well-being of your friend, seek help immediately.
Our tips on how you can help a friend
- Be there for them. Let them know you are here for them no matter what. Create a safe space for them to open up at their own pace and in their own time.
- Find a safe time and place to share some of your concerns sensitively. Ask them if everything is okay. Mention you have noticed they have not been themselves recently and you are concerned as a friend.
- Listen, really listen. When they feel ready to open up to you, give them 100% attention and listen to everything they say. Show them you are listening by not interrupting, acknowledging with nods, etc and reflecting on their words.
- Don’t bombard them with information. Be ready to provide information that can be helpful, but be careful not to overwhelm them.
- Acknowledge and validate their feelings. Especially if they are feeling scared and alone.
- Let them know how wonderful they are as a person – if their partner is making them feel low, depressed or damaged, they need to be reminded of this.
- Don’t judge them for any decision they make about the relationship – don’t tell them to leave the relationship if they are not ready – that has to be their decision, and understand they may go back to the person as it can be a toxic cycle of abuse.
- Hug them (if they are okay with that) to show them you understand.
- Realise every situation is different. There is no “right” approach for all situations. Be led by your friend and your gut instinct.
