You think a female friend may be in an abusive relationship. She rarely sees her friends anymore and when you do see her, she is inundated with messages and texts. You overheard her boyfriend call her abusive names when he phoned. When you are out with them, he puts her down in public, making fun of how she looks and implying she is stupid.
When you called to her house recently, her boyfriend was in the room the whole time and she seemed on edge. You feel that she is constantly making excuses for him, and her entire life seems to be about keeping him happy or trying not to upset him. She seems withdrawn and rarely smiles anymore and she has lost interest in her appearance. You are worried about her; you’ve known this friend from when you were both very young and have always had a good relationship with her.
What action would/could you take?
What we SAY!
- You could talk privately with your friend and tell her you’ve been worried about her.
- Listen without judgment and if she doesn’t want to talk, then let her know you’re there if she ever does.
- If she discloses abuse, let her know you believe her. Reassure her she is not alone, this is not her fault.
- Focus on the feelings and reactions of your friend rather than your own. Try not to outwardly judge or confront the boyfriend, as it may make the situation worse or more dangerous and could put you in danger too.
- Direct your friend to support. Let her know there is always support out there.
- Look for opportunities to build her self-esteem.
- Just be there for her if and when she needs you.
