Trigger Warning: Please be advised that this section contains sensitive material that could be triggering for some people. If you have experienced trauma, please proceed with caution.
Trigger Warning: Please be advised that this section contains sensitive material that could be triggering for some people. If you have experienced trauma, please proceed with caution.
Jen’s Story
Jen met Matt when she was 16. For the first few months of their relationship everything was great, and Jen was literally on “cloud nine”. She thought she was so lucky to have Matt. He was good fun to be around, attentive and good looking too! He kept telling her how gorgeous she was and how into her he was. He was always sending her messages when they weren’t together with cute emojis and memes, telling her how much he missed her, and he couldn’t wait to see her again. All was good!
As the weeks went on though, Matt’s attention grew and Jen started to find it a bit much. To the point that if Jen was out with friends, he would message several times asking where she was and who she was with. At the start Jen thought this was nice, he was really interested in her. Through time, if she didn’t get back right away, he would send question mark texts until Jen responded. If she didn’t respond within a certain timeframe he would send abusive texts, accusing her of all sorts! Jen’s friends started to notice and told her she shouldn’t put up with it, she was out with them and should be enjoying herself. It was hard, and Jen found herself making excuses to go outside or go to the toilet to message Matt as she felt her friends were judging her as well.
Over time Matts behaviour became more controlling. He changed from a kind and caring boy to a jealous and possessive boyfriend. He had an opinion on everything. He even started commenting on her clothing and make-up, asking who she was getting all dressed up for? Jen became very down. It got to the stage she didn’t go out with her friends anymore; it just wasn’t worth the hassle. She didn’t bother dressing up anymore either, sure where was she going? The only person she saw nowadays was Matt and he didn’t like her wearing make-up anyway. After a while this wasn’t right either! Matt criticised her for not taking any care of her appearance, he put her down and said she was lucky to have him, no one else would want her. Jen felt she couldn’t do anything right. She began to question her judgement, and her confidence was at rock bottom. In the space of 6 months, she had gone from being a bubbly teenager who loved going out to a timid girl afraid to speak her mind.
One day Jen met up with friends without telling Matt. It was great to be with friends again and she realised how much she had missed this. It was so much fun, and she saw a glimpse of the girl she used to be. That didn’t go down well. Matt found out and was furious, he grabbed and pushed her against the wall. He shouted right in her face…Jen was really scared. Then he started to cry, he said he was sorry, he didn’t know what had come over him and it wouldn’t happen again. He loved her and couldn’t live without her. Jen was so confused, she did still love Matt and it would be great if they could go back to the start of their relationship. She told him it was okay, and they could work things out.
As Jen went into upper sixth, one day in school, they had a talk about healthy relationships. Everything she was hearing struck a chord with Jen, she realised she was in an unhealthy relationship, and she deserved better. With support from friends, Jen made the decision to end her relationship with Matt. Jen also decided to tell a teacher in school who was also a great support and provided her with some useful information and leaflets. The teacher checked on her from time to time, just to see if everything was okay. This meant a lot. Jen blocked Matt on her phone and kept herself busy with other activities. She joined a few new clubs and started wearing what she wanted, it felt good.
She saw Matt a couple of times since, once when he was with friends and once when he was with a girl. Both times he completely ignored her.
Jen, Aged 17
Looking back, Jen can see the warning signs but at the time, she just thought Matt really cared for her. She did love him and wished he would change but over time she realised that wasn’t going to happen. Jen said if she could give one bit of advice to other young people she would say:
“Don’t settle for less than you deserve. Everyone deserves to be loved, but they also deserve to be respected. Expect respect in your relationship.”
Kelsey’s Story
Kelsey endured abuse from the age of 5. She was raped and abused at the hands of her stepfather. Kelsey says:
“It was a never-ending abuse that kept on happening. I suffered enough; I suffered the pain and conflict within my own head and the torment meant that I held within her body. It was absolute torture that I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to go through. I was alone, vulnerable and inconsolable. I was belittled and afraid to speak up about the abuse. I was so scared to come out and talk about it as I was petrified that I was gonna ruin my family and hurt the people around me.I was so worried that my mum wouldn’t believe me or that when I went to the police station to talk about what happened to me it wouldn’t be taken seriously. I understood at a young age that this wasn’t normal or right.”
Kesley, who is now 18 has an important message to all adults who work with young people:
“I personally believe it would’ve been important to have the knowledge to know who I can call or who I can turn to. This information wasn’t provided to me until much later on in my life. If I knew there were things set in place to protect victims, I would’ve felt safer to come out about the abuse.
I want you to make a change for other survivors who didn’t have the opportunity or the strength to speak up. We should bring into schools what abuse can look like it and how it affects people. There should be the following:
- What gaslighting in the family can look like? - What manipulation can feel like and look like? - What abuse may be: this includes physical, sexual, and emotional abuse as these are the most serious and important cases in today's societyIt is important to let the youth know that abuse can take place in the family home, whether that is your mother, father, granny, grandad, uncle or auntie. You should let them know that abuse can take all shapes and sizes and no matter how small they may think it is, it is important and essential to know! Let them know that you can help, and you can provide support for the victim as well as the family”.
Kelsey, Aged 17
Jason’s Story
Jason was 17 when he met Sophie through his summer job in a restaurant. He was working as a kitchen porter. She was really popular with all the staff and customers and was just full of life. Jason had never been in a relationship before and didn’t even know how to talk to Sophie, never mind ask her out, even though he really wanted to. One evening when they were both working, he picked up the courage to ask her to go for a drink after and she said yes, Jason was delighted.
They talked and talked and just hit it off, Sophie just made him feel at ease. Pretty soon they were seeing each other seven days a week. It was hard to fit everything in, work, school and Sophie but Jason had honestly never been happier. Jason started to skip some of his study classes to be with Sophie. His grades started to slip. His parents were worried about him, he had an offer of a place on a university course, but it was dependent on good grades. Sophie told Jason not to worry, sure she didn’t stay on at school, if his grades didn’t work out, he could work full-time in the restaurant.
Jason started to see less of his friends. Sophie wasn’t that keen on them, she said they were immature stuck-up snobs. She also said she felt they didn’t like her and looked down on her. Sophie liked to party…a lot. She was always going to parties and drinking a lot. Jason went with her, but he wasn’t a big drinker. Sophie called him a bore and made fun of him in front of others. She said he needed to lighten up a bit, life was for living. Jason thought maybe she had a point and joined in as best he could. Soon Sophie started asking Jason for money. At the start she said it was just a loan until she got paid. The first time she paid some of it back, but then she kept asking and never paid it back. When he asked her about it, she said he was being mean.
Sophie and her friends vaped a lot. Jason wasn’t really into it but started to feel a bit left out. Sophie said he was such a goody two shoes. Jason soon joined in, and it wasn’t long before he joined in with other things too, like cannabis in vapes and then spice. Jason’s world just seemed to spiral out of control a bit. His grades really went down, he and his parents were always arguing, and his friends had disappeared a long time ago. On top of that, Sophie always seemed to be in a bad mood with him. She was always putting him down. They argued a lot and sometimes Sophie would shout and throw things. Jason was really unhappy.
After a big argument with Sophie, Jason spoke to his parents and told them what had been going on. They encouraged him to reach out to some of his friends. Through talking to his parents and friends, Jason realized his relationship with Sophie was toxic and he needed to get out.
When he split up with Sophie it was difficult at the start. She kept texting him and even called to his house. After a while though she accepted it, and he didn’t hear from her anymore. With work and time Jason’s grades improved and he finally got into his choice of university. He was glad to be able to move on with his life, friends and family noticed he was much happier within himself. Jason said if he could give one bit of advice to other young people he would say:
“People don’t think teenage relationships can be abusive, but they really can. And sometimes you are so far into it, the signs can be hard to spot. Stick with your friends, even if you are in a relationship. Friendships are important and you never know when you will need them.”
Jason, Aged 17
Paul's Story
Paul, a bright and energetic 17-year-old, was once a popular lad among his peers. He was always up for something fun, his infectious laughter echoing through the halls of his school. However, beneath the surface of his cheerful exterior, he had a secret struggle – an addiction to prescription painkillers. Paul's addiction started innocently enough. After a painful dental procedure, he was prescribed painkillers. The medication's initial relief was a welcome escape from his teenage anxieties and self-doubt. He found himself drawn to the feeling of numbness it provided, a temporary respite from the pressures of everyday life.
Over time, Paul's occasional use of painkillers evolved into a pattern of regular use. He hid his addiction from family and friends, his once bright eyes now clouded with secrecy and shame. As his addiction deepened, his school work suffered and friendships drifted away. He felt trapped in a cycle of self-destruction, his addiction casting a dark shadow over his life.
One day, during a particularly low moment, Paul noticed an anti-drug poster at school. The image of a young person, eyes hollow and defeated, struck a chord deep within him. He realised he didn't want to end up like that, lost and alone in the grip of addiction.That day, Paul made a decision. He would seek help, no matter how difficult it may be. With trembling hands, he approached his school counsellor, pouring out his heart and confessing his addiction. The counsellor listened patiently, offering support and guidance.
Paul's journey to recovery was challenging. He faced physical withdrawal symptoms, emotional turmoil, and the temptation to relapse. But he was determined to break free from the chains of addiction. He attended support groups, where he found solace in sharing his experiences with others who understood his struggle. He started counselling, learning healthy coping mechanisms to manage his emotions and anxieties. The road to recovery was not without setbacks, but he persevered. Gradually, Paul's true self began to shine through again. He discovered a newfound passion for art, pouring his emotions into vibrant paintings that reflected his journey of healing.
Today, Paul stands as a beacon of hope, his story a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. He has emerged from the darkness of addiction and transformed into a young man empowered by his experiences. His message to others struggling with addiction is simple yet powerful: "You are not alone. There is help available. And you have the strength to overcome."
Paul, Aged 17
Laura's Story
I've always been a bit of a worrier. But in the past few years, my anxiety has gotten worse. I used to be able to brush it off, but now it's starting to interfere with my life. I'm always overthinking things and constantly worrying about what others think of me. I'm afraid of making a mistake or embarrassing myself. Because of this, I've avoided social situations and new experiences.
I'm finally realising that I can't live this way. I'm tired of letting my anxiety control me. So, I'm taking steps to manage it.
I've started talking to a counsellor, and I'm learning some coping mechanisms. I'm also trying to be more mindful of my negative thoughts and challenge them - is the worst-case scenario likely to happen? It's not easy, but I'm determined to get better. I can live a happy and fulfilling life, even with anxiety.
Laura, Aged 16
Emily’s Story
Emily was struggling with her teenage years. At 14 she felt she didn’t have many friends. This wasn’t helped by the fact that her family had moved around quite a bit. She had never really had a chance to settle anywhere. In her new school most friendship groups seemed to be formed already.
It was easier to make friends online, Emily just felt it was easier to chat online than face to face. It felt great to get follow requests and likes and comments on posts. Emily started chatting to a girl she met online, Rebekah. Rebekah was 15 and very cool, she liked the same things as Emily, like reading, fashion and shopping and they just hit it off.
Over the next few days, Emily was able to talk to Rebekah about anything at all, school, friendships and boys. They talked a lot about clothes and shopping. Rebekah asked Emily to send a video of her trying on some new clothes she had bought and to put on a fashion show! She said not to worry, it was between friends. Emily didn’t question it, she just did it.
Emily then got a message from Rebekah saying she had images of Emily getting undressed that she would share online unless Emily sent her more. Emily didn’t understand and was really frightened and confused. She cried all day as the messages kept coming and she just didn’t know what to do. After much worry and anxiety, she spoke to her mum about it. Her mum was great, she told Emily not to worry, they would deal with it together. Her mum approached the police, and someone came round and spoke to Emily and took a statement.
The police opened up an investigation and traced the account back to an older man who had been chatting with other young girls too. The police said Emily did the right thing by telling her mum and that her mum did the right thing too, by telling the police.
Emily was shocked, the account had a picture of a 15-year-old girl on it and Rebekah seemed so real to Emily. It took some time to get over it, but Emily found her mum a great support and she also got support from a school counsellor. She soon settled into her new school and joined a few clubs. She pushed her self outside of her comfort zone and joined the drama club and ended up in the school play! Not a leading role but still lots of fun. She met a lot of new friends and has signed up again for next years play.
Emily said if he could give one bit of advice to other young people she would say:“In the online world, people aren’t always who you think they are. I’m much more careful now about what information I share online, and I only add people I know. I’ve learned that real life friendships are much more fun.”
Emily, Aged 14
