It can be hard to make the decision to end any relationship, especially an unhealthy relationship.
Ending a relationship is hard. We may have been in the relationship for a long time and lost touch with friends. Suddenly, the thought of being on our own might seem a bit scary. It can be very hard if the other person still wants to be in the relationship. Ask yourself why you want to end the relationship and think about how the other person might react when you talk to them about ending the relationship.
Sometimes, if a relationship is unhealthy or abusive, we hope and believe things will change. We want to believe that if we just hold out for just a bit longer, things will get better. We sometimes think of reasons to explain the abusive behaviour; it’s just a rough patch, it’s down to stress etc. Sometimes we even think there are things we can do or ways in which we can change to make things better.
However, for things to improve, the other person must accept responsibility for the abusive behaviour and want to change, and unfortunately, abusers are often in denial about the abuse. They might even get angry at you for suggesting there is something wrong. The first step in escaping an abusive relationship is realising that something is wrong. At this stage, it is important to realise you are not alone, it’s not your fault, and you deserve better.
When it comes to leaving an unhealthy or abusive relationship, it is important to be careful and to ensure you are surrounded by help and support. This might be difficult if your relationship has caused you to distance yourself from family and friends, but remember that true friends love you and care about you and will want to help you if you give them a chance.
Our top tips for ending an unhealthy relationship
- Surround yourself with support (friends, family, trusted adult).
- Choose the right person to rely on, who you are connected to and who you know won’t judge you.
- Do it in person, but only if it is safe to do so.
- Do it in public. Have someone you know there (not obviously) or nearby.
- Be mentally prepared. Know what you are going to say and how you are going to say it.
- Be clear and direct. You can use these three points. You are not happy in the relationship. You want to break up. You don’t want to be in contact.
- Block the person on social media if you have to.
- Change your number (if you feel you have to).
- Get organisation support if you need to. There are many organisations that can help.
- Once you end the relationship, maintain your boundaries and look after yourself. Expect some sadness and surround yourself with people who care.
What if my ex threatens to hurt me or themselves if I break up with them?
This is not a normal reaction to a breakup, and if you are concerned this might happen and/or if does happen, it is crucial you get support from a trusted adult or police. If you fear for your safety, it is important you have a safety plan in place before you attempt to break up. Ask parents, teachers or other adults you trust to help you with this. Remember, fear has no place in a healthy relationship!
